I was always top of my class and breezed through school, getting top grades while also having a lot of fun and fucking around constantly. Had many sanctions for behaviour but achieved academically. Went to college for A-levels (I'm in UK) and fucked it up by hanging in a graveyard smoking weed every day, still managed to get into Uni by doing an extra year but didn't know what to study. Decided on forensic science but decided that I felt like it was training me to be a lab technician so iI switched to criminology. Never really found the passion for it but passed. All jobs in the field seemed boring and because of being arrested a couple times for stupid drunk shit, basically became ineligible for them anyway. Ended up managing a night club and cocktail bar, which had it's great moments but led to me drinking heavily every day and doing a lot of coke. After a few years I moved back home for my own mental health but now I feel like a fucking loser. I know deep down I am destined for better, my friends say I am the smartest person they know and people I have worked with generally like me and make an effort to keep in touch with me. I just feel like I'm missing that part of me that can really go after my dreams. Why can't i feel really passionate about anything? Nothing excites me except getting drunk with the boys, football or getting women. Just wish I could stop fucking around and be serious. I know this is long and rambling but any help would be appreciated.
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