Today after a lot of years, the beach brought me some joy. I could feel like I was the child I seemed to left behind. I stared into the emptiness of the skyline yet so full of mistery and conundrums. I was without my phone. I was in full solitude and to make all matters more interesting, I had nothing to resort to for quick entertainment. It was just me and the sea. It was such a blissful and captivating experience and all by myself. I could feel the breeze clashing softly against my skin making me feel rejuvenated. The sand sneaking into my toes. It was just a soothing yet rejuvaneting experience.
I remembered when 4 years ago, the story would be anything but that. I would stare at the sea, and just see a sea of problems. It would bring me anxiety non-stop. I was all in my head. Hating and dreading myself. Every wave, was a wave and stream of thoughts crippiling me and terrorizing me all the more. I hated my existence wholeheartedly. I just wanted to be drifted away and by no means stay afloat.
One of my sayings back in those days was " heaven can turn into hell with a proper dose of worrying and overthinking".
And now I can certainly say that, hell can turn into heaven with the proper amount of calmness and self compassion. With the proper amount of understanding and empathy towards yourself.
I've come a long way and today marked 4 year from that disturbing and unpleasant scenario. I went through a lot. It was all worth it. And reaching the point of self-mastery with all my strengths and flaws took me a long time.
You can walk down a beautiful area and have the humbling opportunity to face yourself and work your way up towards having empathy and trying to love yourself more with every day that goes by.
It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but trust me IT IS ALL worth it!
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