The below are some thoughts I wrote a couple of years ago, while I was going through an existential thing. Thought they may actually be motivating for someone.
I was able to wake this morning, one more day. To me, that is nothing but a gift from my Creator, who thought enough about me to create me in the first place.
The reason I feel like waking up is a gift is, from the moment I wake, I have the ability to have conscious thought.
With conscious thought comes many, many things; but two things stick out;
The ability to have and hold gratitude and, the ability to choose my thoughts around the events and goings-on around me.
Further, I have the ability to then add judgment to those thoughts about those things.
Not to belabor the point, but I then have the ability to have a thought about those thoughts and judgments (and on and on).
In addition, I can change my mind at a moments notice about any of those things. (Therein lies my free will; which, I believe, is the greatest gift of all).
With consciousness also comes my ability to choose; to look at the circumstances around me and make decisions, judgments and emote feelings surrounding those decisions and judgments, choosing every single one; and defining who I am, and who I choose to be in the face of all of it.
I try to have gratitude about even the most mundane of things in my existence now.
In the past, I have focused tremendously on what I didn’t have, giving no regard to what I did have.
This placed me very easily into a feeling of lack, as my focus was always on what I did not have.
Quieting my thoughts have given me pause to look at my life with a little bit more of an objective lens, allowing me to look at what I actually do have, and stay in that. Through a myriad of pain and focus on what I didn’t have, I changed my perspective (another gift). Through the experiences that (twenty years ago), I would’ve called horrendous, I was able to see that they were a real blessing.
I have many things in my life that make my life wonderful and easy, that don’t require me to be financially rich. I, and indeed all of us, have a standard of living that is better than the richest man in history, John Rockefeller, had.
I have indoor plumbing. I have electricity. I have running water.
I have taken all of these things for granted in my life, until the moment I didn’t have them. The moment I didn’t have them, for various reasons, I realized how truly lucky, and grateful, I was TO have them.
I sleep in a warm bed, on a soft pillow, in an air-conditioned environment (that I can adjust as needed).
There have been times in my life that I have slept in a very, very difficult setting.
Until I did, I took that warm bed, soft pillow and air-conditioned environment for granted. I am certain there are people in this very county that would love to have those things.
I have servants, as do we all. I can control them to do my bidding.
These servants are called a washer, a dryer, a microwave and a stove and various other appliances and machines that make my life simple and easy.
I tell them what to do, by giving them instructions, and then just let them do their thing. The leverage they provide me, by freeing up my time to do other things, is tremendous.
I have taken all of those things for granted in my life, until the moment I didn’t have them.
I have the ability to take a hot shower, which is one of my very favorite things in this reality.
There have been times in my life where I have had to take a cold shower, and I have discovered that I have taken the hot showers for granted, until I didn’t have them. There have also been times I could not take a shower at all, and would’ve taken a cold shower over none at all.
I have the ability to walk into my closet and choose from any number of pieces of clothing, depending on my whim. Though the contents of my closet looks very similar, because I have very little sense of fashion, I have multiple sets of clothing. I know there is a large percentage of the population of the world that does not.
In addition to that, if I desire, at a moments notice, I can go to any number of locations to get new clothes, to suit my tastes. It’s all my choice.
I never miss a meal, and if I do, it’s by choice. I know that many people, in this country, and certainly the world, miss many meals, and not by choice.
To add to that thought, if I want grapes, or pineapples, or bananas, or strawberries, Thai food, Italian food, Vietnamese or Greek food, or a specific kind of nut or specialty cheese, or cheese coneys, or stuff myself at a Chinese buffet, or specialty ice cream (or even normal ice cream), or special burgers that don’t actually have meat in them, or meat burgers, or hot dogs, or hot dog buns, or food for my pets, or Popsicles. When I don't want popsicles, I can have Fudge pops. The list goes on and on and on and on. I can have all of these things simply by going to get them. I don’t have to wait for them. They are there for me, just waiting for me to get them.
After I have consumed all my food, somebody comes by and takes away all my garbage for me.
When it rains, I can stay dry and warm, or cool, as I’d like.
When I have a feeling of boredom, I can flip on a device that allows me to mindlessly entertain myself for hours , if I choose. I don’t even have to get off the couch to do it, if I choose not to.
Indeed, there is a whole segment of society that is dedicated to producing shows that allow me to distract myself with entertainment for as long of a time as I desire .
In addition to that, if I get bored with TV, there's a whole other segment of society that produces movies that I can go see.
However, if I feel lazy and don't want to actually get in my car and go see a movie, I can just stream it to my TV.
I have the ability, at the tap of glass, to discover and learn almost anything I’ve ever wanted to know or become curious about during my day, or I can listen to any piece of music every composed, or read any book ever written.
Through that device, I also have the ability to communicate with anyone on the planet, through multiple means, at a moment’s notice.
I have taken all of these things for granted, not even thinking about them, until I didn’t have them.
I have the ability to lay down and take a nap on a comfortable couch in a room dedicated just for relaxing and entertainment.
If I want to get out in nature, I have the ability to take a walk in some beautiful parks not too far away from where I live.
I have the ability to travel, either by public transportation or my own private vehicle. I have the ability to fly over the ocean to other continents in a matter of hours. I can visit other cities and countries and cultures. Whatever I choose. Or, I can travel to the next state, or three states away, or the next town.
There are entire businesses built around making me happy…entertainment parks like Kings island, movie theaters, and those places where you can go play laser tag.
I can go get a massage at a moments notice, or eat shrimp scampi, or a barbecue sandwich, or tacos, or pizza, or frozen yogurt.
Icees exist in this world. That's happiness.
In every moment, I know I am a creation of my Creator, who thought enough of me as a Creation to allow me to experience this relative world.
I am here to create myself, to choose in every moment what it is that I want to do, and who it is that I want to be.
Because of the free will that I have, I can change my mind at a moments notice, and switch the entire direction of my life, if I so desire.
It is all up to me.
I have people in my life that love me, showing me positive affection.
I have my sweet girl, whom I love very much.
I have my friends, my birth family and my chosen family, with whom I can share my time with as I choose.
I have my children, to whom I can love and guide through life to the best of my ability.
I have discovered that the things above truly make me, and indeed, all of us, very wealthy .
I have discovered, through those simple steps, that my Creator has got my back, and, indeed, everybody else’s as well.
I discovered that I was not a mistake, though, for a great deal of my life, I felt like I was a mistake.
I felt like there must’ve been some grand cosmic mistake, like I slipped through some kind of filtering system that must’ve been on the fritz the day I was born.
I felt alien on this planet, like I didn’t belong, like I didn’t “get it” like other people seemed to.
I felt like my life was nothing but pain, for a lot of my early life.
In the past, what I have focused on has been the delta between where I am and where I feel like I should be.
I have looked at my circumstances in life and wanted more…more of everything.
I focused on what I didn’t have.
That allowed me to focus on the negative, giving me more and more opportunities to focus on that.
My Creator is very, very intelligent.
I have come to discover that the more I become in life, the more I know I can become.
The more I grow, the more I want to grow.
The more knowledge I have, the more I desire to know.
It is this constant feeling that I have identified as that feeling of lack.
BECAUSE I have a feeling that I can be, do and have more, by choice, I have this feeling of not being there yet; of not having what I want.
And yet, when I look really objectively at my life, I really have it all.
All I can say is, "Thank you".
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