This is a page I wrote 2 yers ago on my diary. I felt I should share it. I dont know if it will help you, but it made me happy finding it and reading it 2 years after and see how much I grew over the years. (btw english is not my first language and sorry for the formatting, I couldnt fix it)

"I'm not giving up. That's right! I'm not gonna start panicking and doubting myself or

thinking about the worst case scenarios that could potentially happen. I have a life. That's

something. Why would I live it thinking about the bad stuffs? As if it isn't enough our

daily stress? When I think about achieving a goal, a strong feeling of winning comes to

me. And usually I win. But when I'm acting as if I would be content with the minimal, I

fail! That's my problem. I don't aim for more. I usually don't aim for the better option, the

best case scenario. It might feel like a mirage but there's more chances of it going well

than of wrong. I always exaggerate on the situation, describing it like a big gigantic fear

that I could never overcome. It's not. It's actually pretty small. Now, my mind on the other

hand, changes its perspective to make it look like it bigger than me when its not. I'm the

one to put the fault on. So... what now?

Well, first of all, my perspective needs to change. I have to see this situation with reality

eyes and not made up. When I make it up my imagination goes beyond what I actually

predicted. Second, I've gotta do what it takes to achieve it. I must forget about the shame,

embarrassment, fear, doubt, all things that don't allow me to go forward. Instead, I must

face it with confidence. And third... so what if I fail? So what if people around me start

whispering about how I wasn't the person they thought I was? It's my life and my choices

and of course I've gotta fail. I do not want to, but it gotta come someday, right? If I fall

I'll stand up, and if I fall again, I'll stand up again cause that's how we grow.

I usually see bad situations as a way of learning for when the situation repeats itself or a

way to help others. SO that's why failing it's not the worst case scenario. I could

potentially be helping someone too after. It's actually nice to live for others too and not

just for yourself and that's something I need to learn.

After the verdict, I have two options: one, if I fail, try again 'till I'm able to pass through

it and second, focus on other thing of life. I wanna do stuffs. I wanna draw and learn

better, I wanna finish assignments, I also wanna think about how am I suppose to have a

career in art and actually do it. This all makes me happy. Nothing can be conquered

without effort. With this I wanna start doing things with effort, to see how far can I go

with an option. I wanna know whats my best and I wanna test it to the limits to actually

see the truth of “Giving my best”. So I can finally see the difference between my best and

laziness. Yes! That's exactly what I wanna do!"

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from Things that motivate you https://ift.tt/3ppGzlj