This post is long. I apologize.
To clarify, I know that this is not technically a sabbatical. Call it what you want; unemployed, freeloader, lazy POS, whatever. I just feel better about the term “sabbatical”. Although, “trophy wife” is my husbands preferred term.
7 months ago I left a career I was excelling in to take a job closer to home. I have two young boys and I refuse to work 45 miles from home when my husband works even further (and makes double the money). My one non-negotiable is that I need to be close to my children in case of an emergency.
As part of this career change, I took a $15k pay cut with the mindset that I would have better work life balance and learn some technical skills that I didn’t have. I did get those skills. That was about the only good thing I got from that job.
It was a toxic environment in the most classic form. I was the oldest and most experienced employee, aside from the owner who was only 4 years older. The owner and myself (both women) came from similar backgrounds, which is what inspired me about the company. She positioned herself as a smart, empathetic and hardworking woman who mentored her staff. I was hooked. It was all a sales pitch in the end. She was a bully. On the first day, she made snide remarks about me to another employee within my earshot. She singled out employees and would bully them at staff meetings, make nasty remarks about clients personal lives and physical appearances, and even lie about the capabilities of the staff.
It was a small business with less than 10 employees (i was previously in a large corporation). We worked in an open office space, which I was lead to believe was a collaborative and energetic environment. It was just the opposite actually. The owner created an atmosphere of fear, where she could be sure employees formed no relationships that she could not monitor.
I could go on. All in all, it was a traumatic and dark experience. I questioned my worth every day and fantasized about being hit by a train just to relieve me.
After 6 months and a final breaking straw, I quit. No back up plan, no job opportunities lined up... just a supportive husband who wanted to see me happy again. I put in my two weeks and a day later she told me I could just go. I had 12 clients (who all thought I was a fulll time partner), so I have no clue how that’s going now!
In the three weeks I’ve been unemployed, we’ve kept our children in daycare. I’ve completed 15/35 hours of the coursework required to get my PMP. I’ve gone on 4 interviews and was scouted for an exploratory business engagement with a man who is seeking future leadership for his company.
I’ve gone stir crazy. I’ve gotten massages, gone to lunch alone, taken naps, and checked off the family to do list. I even started to learn the harmonica... a long time goal of mine.
Now here’s the problem - all of this opportunity and freedom has rocked my world. How do i regain focus after realizing that I want a little piece of everything?
I’m terrified of taking a full time job after my last experience. Freelance work sounds great but it obviously requires focus and I am allll over the map right now. I did accept a part time job doing in-home care for the elderly. That should give us some extra cash and maybe fill my soul while I figure things out.
Money isn’t an issue, but it’s also not NOT an issue. We can afford for me not to work, but we wouldnt continue the momentum we’ve had for the past 6 years. That said, I dont mind a lower paying job. I also don’t mind a higher paying job. I just want to make sure that the pay is equivalent to the work I’m putting in.
Clearly, I’m unfocused. I have so much fucking energy and motivation right now. it’s pulsing from me, and I have no idea where to put it. I’m happy.
I guess I’m just looking to hear stories from other people who have been in this situation. Maybe tips on finding focus, purpose, or identifying your true priorities.
Is there anyone out there who successfully balances multiple and inconsistent freelance projects? What about working moms who fucking hate working but would go crazy as a stay at home mom?
I want to hear all your stories.
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